Forgive me for not writing in a while. Since my illnesses of Schizoaffective disorder, Panic Disorder, & Post Traumatic Stress Disorder have struck me, again, in March, 2014, I have not been the same. I go through some content passages, but I always end up feeling out of place, with periods of long sleep, lack of eating, crying, panicking, anger, fear, confusion, depression....need I go on?
One of my greatest achievements, is this blog, "My Uncomfortable Mind". When I can't write, I feel like a loser, a failure. I am much too judgemental about myself. When I do write, I feel that a lot of angst, is released through my soul. I also learn a lot about myself.
My father's birthday was about 2 weeks ago. I have thought a lot about my father, mostly negative experiences. My father struck me as cold. In truth, the crimes that he committed, make him despictable.
I want to know when he dies. I will feel so relieved. He will no longer sexually molest, beat, emotionally abuse children and women. He's not a big man, but he had the ability to break your soul.
It has been over 6 weeks since I wrote the first paragraph, of this blog entry. I am having issues...still, communicating to my readers. My mood has been so-so...that's the best way to put it.
I am still having bad dreams, that haunt my thoughts throughout the day. I dream about my father a lot. I dream about, my ex, who used to beat me. The closet doors of my mind, have opened up...again...
