These last 2 weeks, have been torturous, for me., thanks to PTSD. I had been having a lot of nightmares about my father, and my ex, who thankfully, went back, to his home town, in Italy, after I was forced to get a Protective Order against my ex . Both my father, and my ex, abused me mentally, physically, and sexually. My half-sister's Birthday will be, in a few days also. Triggers, triggers, triggers.
I witnessed my half-sister, being molested, when I was 6 years old. She was just a toddler. I think that I stopped him, by saying "Daddy, I'm thirsty Can you get me drink now??" He got busted by a 7 tear old.
My state of mind, is depressed, severely anxious, terrified. I have been irritable, defensive, beligerant & basically, I don't give a shit about anything. I feel like telling, every person who tries to talk to me to, Shut The Fuck Up. My anger within, is so powerful at this time.
I have been having anxirty, depression, and excessive crying, & Panic Attacks. I cannot figure out where such severe responses came from. But some things, we will never find the amswer to.
I don't understand why, at almost 48 years old, that I can still crumble. My friends say that I am a very strong person, but I don't feel strong. I have attempted to end my life 3 times. The last time was in October, 2014. I had reached a point that I just couldn't go on.
Now, after 3 serious suicide attempts, I realize that I must have a purpous in life. Our sweet Lord, spared me. I think that this blog is my purpous in life.
