#138.....Little Sister

     I may have mentioned, at some point, in this blog, that I have a younger sister and a younger brother.  Technically, they are my half-siblings, by my father's later, second marriage.   They meant so much to me.
     My father emotionally, physically, verbally, and sexually abused me.  When I told my younger sister,  that our father had molested me, I was banished  from the family.  My father turned my brother and sister against me.  My father threatened to sue me for "slander".
     I was 18 years old, at the time.   They were adolescents.   You can't tell me that he didn't abuse his other children, too.  He's one sick bastard.
     I tried to speak to my brother, years later, He called me a "liar", and said that my story was "bullshit".
     My sister tried to contact me, when she became a young adult.  But our father told her that if she didn't cut off  all contact with me, that she would never see her mother alive again.
      Every time I lost my brother and sister, I felt as if death had occurred.   I mourned so deeply for years and years.
     My therapist suggested that I try to contact my younger sister, by sending her a letter.  In truth, I'm not sure that I can.   What if she rejects me again?    I know that my younger brother is a lot like my father....stubborn, verbally abusive, racist, chauvenistic, etc., etc., etc.  I will not be contacting him, sadly.
      Does anybody out there, have any ideas for me, about contacting my "little sister"?  

#137.....Surviving Illness

     I have been, incredibly irritable for the last two weeks.  Every time my wonderful husband tries to talk to me, I want to scream : "Shut The Fuck Up!  Leave Me The Hell Alone!!".   Even his asking me if I want a cup of coffee, in the morning,, is causing me to feel hostile.
     As time goes on, I realize, that I have a  nasty cold virus.   I am battling it, as best that I can, but still, I feel miserably ill.  My sinuses are leaking like crazy.  My chest is uncomfortable.   I could use some cough syrup, with codeine in it.
      It seems that every time I become physically ill, I become mentally ill.   Usually, I feel deep depression, and horrible anxiety, when I am physically ill.
     It makes sense.  My body, can only handle so much, before it breaks down.  But still  I feel frustated, aggravated, basically, a mess.
     It is hard to explain this, to my friends.  For most of my friends, Nyquil, will save them from their colds.  For me...I worry about my life.  Like, can I survive this?