#145.....Feeling Troubled

    I  am feeling sadness, and guilt, because, I have not written, in this blog, for months.
I consider, my, blog called "My Uncomfortable Mind", to be my biggest accomplishment in life.
    It has been a rough summer.   My husband and I, did, however,  go hide away in a log cabin, off the grid. That was so therapeutic, no  television , or telephone.  We did have electricity, though, so we brought my computer, my husbands iPad, both filled with music, and a blue-tooth speaker.
      I was ill with bronchitis for over a month, and this, really triggered my asthma.  I can't say that I was cheerful at this time.  Or even now.
      But later, in the summer, I felt lonely,  with  just Julie, my deaf, beautiful feline, alone in the apartment, with me, for about 12 hours a day, until my husband got home.
       Summer is  a slow time at my church.  I work there part-time.  I feel like I am serving God, by working and volunteering at my church..  I am serving the Lord, no matter how huge or how small, the task is.
     For most of this past summer, I felt tempermental.  I have tried my hardest to be patient , with people, but I haven't been completely successful.
     While I had bronchitis, I was sleepy, or wide awake coughing away.  I kept vomitting or coughing so hard, that I urinated in my bed.   I fell out of bed, at least once.  I was having depression, and auditory hallucinations, mainly, strange, unbelievable music, and mindless chatter.
       When I was a kid and young adult, I lived off of music, television, movies, books, basically mental stimulation.   But now, in my middle age, aged 49, I prefer silence, and deep thought, and prayer, for hours at a time.   Sometimes, my husband will try to talk with me in these troubled moments, and I desire, to tell him to "shut the ---- up".
    I think that I am not completely well, from my illness, and that is a reason why I may be struggling, within.   Please Lord, grant me strengh.