Today is Mother's Day and I have mixed emotions and a bit of sadness.  I wanted to become a mother for many years, but when I was 24, I was in a bad relationship, and was surprised to find myself pregnant.  But I lost the baby due to domestic violence.  He beat me badly one day.  I was saddened and angry for years.  And I never could get pregnant again.
     Now, I think, that in some ways, its a good thing that I didn't have any children.   Motherhood would have been  extremely hard for me while trying to battle my illness.  I may not have been able to take care of my child as excellently as I wanted to.  And most of my father's family is mentally ill, it just keeps being passed down the line.  My chances of having a child with serious mental illness were so high.  And I didn't want my child to suffer like I do.  So, I finally decided not to have a baby, and I believe that it was a wise, selfless decision.