It has been over a year since my first hospitalization in March of 2014. I had lost 40 pounds of weight from not eating much of 2013. I hadn't had a good night's sleep in 2013. I'd go to bed, toss and turn, and get up by 3 in the morning. I became depressed, and psychotic, losing my desire to live.
I was hospitalized again in October of 2014, because, I felt my world come crashing in, again and I attempted suicide. I just could not go on anymore. It was a route, that no one should take.
Since these times, I have not been myself. I feel "just OK", on the good days. When my father's birthday came rolling in, February, depression started beating the Hell out of me.
Like many people with PTSD, I have "anniversary dates", that trigger me. My father's birthday, is just one of them.
If you have not read this blog before, my father is a sociopathic, homicidal,sadistic, violent, controlling abuser of women and children.
I often think about going into the details of his abuse, but it is crippling, just to think about, and remember. I can't force myself. Some things may have slipped out, in my blog, over the years, but,
as they say, at this time..... I'm just not feeling it.
