Dear Pietro,

     It has been 23 years since we were together, yet I had a very vivid dream of you last night.  Then I realized that today, is your birthday. 

     In the dream, we ran into each other, in a restaurant in Boston.  We spent the day together, and you were so kind to me, so loving, so gentle to me.  I realize now, that I never fully grieved our relationship, because in reality, it was a horror show, a real nightmare for me.

     You were an illegal immigrant from Italy, but you were working hard as a talented musician, and waiter, in the North End of Boston.  You were also working hard on me.  You seemed attentive, and caring to me.  I felt alone, and vulnerable in this big, bad world, and you knew it. You put a baby in my belly, much to my shock, after just 4 months of being with you.  You knew that a marriage to me would get you a Green Card. 

    But you didn't love your fetal baby, or me, because you began beating me, and finally I miscarried.  Once I was pregnant, your kindness disappeared, you were a truly angry person.  I was so scared, being young, pregnant, and fighting for my life.

     One night, you beat me for the last time.  I called several family members that night, but found no sympathy, so I almost ended my life, in a suicide attempt.  I survived, by the Grace of God.

     After that, I had to leave you for good.  In fact, I had to hide from you, for months, because you were stalking me.  But you gave my no choice, because I knew that in time, I would try to kill myself again, or I would try to kill you.  I've wanted to hurt you badly, because you killed my baby, and I was never able to conceive again. 

     Sometimes, when I am in Boston, I think that I see you, but it just turns out to be some other blonde guy with gold-rimmed eyeglasses, I'm seeing from a distance.  When I think that I see you, my heart beat speeds up, fear kicks in, I feel like I can't breathe, etc.  It's called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  And you did this to me, Pietro.  

     I doubt that our past haunts you, because you are a true Sociopath, but one day, you will meet our Maker and He, will recall how you hurt me, and destroyed that little spark of life within me.  May you burn in Hell.

Christine

     For the past week, my mental health, has been failing me, again. I have been going to bed at 6 PM, every night, because, I cannot stand to be awake.  I am surviving on coffee, and 2 slices of wheat toast, with peanut butter, a day.  My husband will have to bathe me tomorrow, because, it seems like too much of a big project, for myself. It has been 5 days, since my last shower.  This is unheard of for me.  The most horrible experience, though, is the uncontrollable crying spells.
     I went back to work about 2 weeks ago, only to find out, that I no longer have the same position, in the Meat Department of the supermarket, where I work. I work in this supermarket's Meat Dept, for almost 6 years.  I have 10 years experience total, working in various Meat Depts, and 4 years education in agriculture. They gave me a position in the Deli Dept. I have no Deli experience. I had no choice but to accept it.
     This change, in job positions, is going wrong for a few reasons.
     One reason, is because, to me, it is a big change.  I have never been able to accept changes easily.   I thrive on a routine.  When I am having a relapse, in my mental or emotional health, I am vulnerable.  I simply cannot make changes, or I will crumble.
     I am having a difficult time because, I was not given any choice, in this changing of positions, also.  I feel angry & helpless now.
     I am making mistakes, in my job duties, partly because, it is new to me, but partly, because I am so upset inside.  I simply cannot remember things, or concentrate.
    My new boss is impatient with me, because I am making mistakes.  Every time she scolds me, my PTSD is triggered, I feel like a scared little kid, and I panic and cry.
     I feel like the manager of the supermarket, where I work, is trying to cause me to quit, slowly, pushing me out the door.  Several people have suggested this to me, in fact.
     I went to see my therapist today, because, I am falling apart, over this situation.  She told me to take 2 weeks off to work on getting better, and figure out my next move.  She gave me a note to give to the management.  I am going to bring it into work tomorrow morning.  I have a feeling that I may lose my job.

     Wow!!  It has been more than 3 weeks, since I have written.  That, is a long time for me.
My work situation has changed.  About a than a month ago, I received a telephone call, from the manager of the supermarket, where I work.  It was a Saturday morning, and the manager demanded that I have my Family Leave Act application in, by Monday morning, or I would be terminated..  I told her that it didn't give my Psychiatrist enough time to fill it out.  Honestly, I had no idea, that I even needed to fill out such paperwork.  The store manager was on a warpath with me.  I finally started crying, during this phone call, and said:  "Look, I'm really sick right now, I don't need this hassle".  She replied:  "Then you should have no problem getting the paperwork in".  I later found out that Human Resources, came down on her, hard, before she spoke to me, because, she hadn't informed me of the Family Leave Act paperwork, in time.
     I submitted the Family Leave Act paperwork, only to find out, that I didn't qualify for it, anyways, because, I don't work enough hours.  So, the manager demanded that I submit another form instead.  So, I had to go back to my Psychiatrist again, so she could fill it out.
     When my Psychiatrist decided, that I could finally return to work, I went back, to learn, that they had given my job, in the Meat Dept, to someone else, a week before.  I cried and cried, and learned that they were putting me in the Deli, to stock products.  I told them, that I could not use a slicer, because my medications impair me.  My Psychiatrist backs me up, on this fact.
    So far my job in the Deli, is OK, but after the threat of being terminated, just a few weeks ago, I expect to lose my job, at any moment.  I had about 10 years work experience, in a Meat Dept...now, I'm working with a lot of cheese.  And I don't really like cheese.