#124.....Please Lord, Let Me Write

 My Dearest Lord,
I think that I am in need of your assistance.  It has become quite a struggle to write,  It's also become very quirky.
My fingers are a bit twitchy, no doubt, the result of anti-psychotic medications that I must ingest.
My brain is affected.  I often think one word, yet write another word.  I often think one word, yet speak another word.
It has been over 3 months, since I attempted to end my life.   Emotionally, I am confused.  Part of me wishes that I could have gone to Heaven.  Part of me feels ashamed at what I have done to myself, & how it affected others.  I feel a bit flat, but happiness, is approaching, I feel.
Please, Lord, don't let me lose my ability to write.

.

#123.....Trying To Heal

     I'm really struggling, to write this blog.  I feel like I'm pushong a giant boulder, uphill..  I simply do not know what  to write.
     Before, most of my blog entries, just oozed out of my soul.  New Psychiatric medications have found me with twitching fingers, spelling wrong letters.  I am also having trouble with comprehension, meaning, I have to read sentances over and over.
       I am starting to do better, I do not have paranoia, or auditory halluciations, lately.   I am sleeping very well now, which has significantly helped my state of mind.  I have been having negative dreams every night, however they are not nightmares.  I still feel sensitive and vulnerable inside.  And I have no appetite.
     I have a bit of a ways to go, but I feel optimistic.