The holidays have passed. Thanksgiving day, Christmas Day, and New Year's Day, went relatively smoothly. I felt numb and scared, getting through it though.
Every year, in the holiday season, I feel irritable, angry, frightened. I have thoughts of my brother and sister, who were torn away from me, when I outed my father, for being a child molester.
It has been 30.....yes, 30 years since I have had a relationship with my brother and sister.
It is killing me slowly, that I may never see them again.
They may fall under my father's disgusting persuasion, maybe out of fear.
My sister, was told by my father, that if she continued to talk to me, she would never see her mother alive again.
No shocker, my father put a shotgun to my mother's head and threatened to blow her brains out. My mother saved all of her money from a waitressing job, and got on a plane, with me, from South Carolina, back to her home in New England.
Mama left my father, but the court said that I had to see my father. Mama had no idea, what I was going through, being emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually abused She didn't realize how traumatized I was.
I was painfully shy, always anxious, nervous, having very few friends. I felt like a lost soul, an outsider. My father gave me shit, saying that I was always trying to be different. Daddy, with your abuse, you made me different, you made me suffer,
Written in January, 2017
