My husband, Frankie, is in China, at this time, on a business trip.  I thought of going with him, but it would have cost thousands of dollars. Also, the management, at his company, seemed negative, on spouses, attending this trip.
     I cried several times, and asked him not to go, during the days leading up to his departure.  I even feel a bit angry at him, because, he has left me all alone.  Part of me feels abandoned.
      For the most part, however, I am actually coping very well.  I have been seeing friends, I went to church today, with a friend.  My mother is planning to come down from Maine, to spend a couple of days with me, and I will be working, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
      This is truly a test of my inner child, who has rarely, experienced being alone 24 / 7.
      But, it gets worrisome, because, Frankie, is staying near Hong Kong, where there is a Typhoon expected, or already occurring.  I am trying to remain calm, but you just never know, how bad a storm is really going to be.
       In church today, I asked the Pastor and congregations for prayers for Frankie.  In truth, my thoughts are confused, my emotions don't know what to think.  All I know is that I miss my Frankie, and want him to come home safely.

     I am back to work, after my vacation in The Berkshires.  But, I am full of anxiety.  My job, which is in a supermarket meat department, that I once loved so much, is starting to stress me out.
     We have a new manager, in our store, and her main goal, it seems, is to save the company money, even though she is cutting the employees' work hours.  The result is that work is not getting done because, we are under-staffed.  Yet somehow, this new manager expects all of the work, to get done.
      This week, my friend and co-worker, Bob, is on vacation.  And the other clerks have other full-time jobs.  So, I was the only meat clerk today.
       This morning before I went to work, I felt a lot of anxiety, and my chest felt tight.  When I got to work, and saw the workload, I wanted to walk out, and just go home.  I convinced myself to stay by telling myself, over and over, that it was just a 4 hour shift today.  But the work was endless, it seemed.  I was stressing, because I knew that I couldn't possibly get it all done.
       So, now, I'm wondering if it is almost time to move on occupationally.  I loved my job, and I have been there for 5 years, which is a long time for me.  My bosses and co-workers, have always been understanding, of my mental illness, and they have always granted me time off, whenever, I needed it.
        Things are changing at work, however, and I am very sensitive to changes.  I am not feeling comfortable there, at this point.
        I am confused, and saddened, because, I loved working there, but now, it's causing me to re-think the situation.  It's not so easy finding a job, and keeping a job, when you have PTSD, and a major mental illness.
I really don't want to have to find a new job, but I don't know else what to do.  I think that I will have to pray, on this.