All through the physical ailments that life has subjected me to, recently, I have been haunted about a life I led almost 30 years ago.
I met a really adorable Italian guy in my early 20's. I knew exactly when I became pregnant. Then one morning we had an argument. The next thing I knew, I hit the floor and he was kicking me in my back. I was fighting for my life. I lost the baby and was never able to conceive again.
I still dream of him, even though I have a great husband. Usually we are in Italy, walking around the town, or drinking cappuccinos. Happy stuff. Yahoo.
I guess that my mind is struggling, as we never talked it over before I ran away. He had bitten me on my thigh, I found my finger nails to be broken, and my soul had had enough.
I know that my PTSD is bringing this shit up. PTSD has a huge refuge within me. I try to expel it by writing and psychotherapy.
I don't know what is worse. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Major Depression? Severe Anxiety? Paranoia,? Hallucinations,? Schizoaffective Disorder? Yeah, I have them all. And I just don't know.
Sweet Lord, save my soul from drowning. Please help me to find meaning in all of this.
