It has been only 2 days, since my last blog update, but I feel so much better, than I had been feeling.  And I am so pleased.  Thank You, Lord!
     As you probably know, I battle Schizoaffective Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but lately, I have had Peri-menopause fighting me.   But, I worked hard with my Doctors, and it has paid off.
      It has been a helluva month.  In the beginning, I began having incredible hot flashes, where I would feel like I was burning up inside.  I would get heart palpitations during these hot flashes, and then I would have anxiety attacks, where, I felt that I couldn't breathe, and sometimes, I would feel like I was going to pass out.  At night, It was horrible, I would toss and turn, going from hot to cold, over and over, all night long.  Naturally, I could not sleep.  I think that the lack of sleep is what left me feeling so lost.
    To make it worse, I had a terrible cold during this time, which left my body and mind weak and vulnerable.   While at work, one day, I found myself with auditory hallucinations, which really shakes me up. I only hallucinate when I am really stressed, physically and/or mentally.  So, when it happened, I felt quite alarmed.  Thankfully, my hallucinations, only lasted one day.
     I started taking Neurontin for my hot flashes, anxiety, and lack of sleep, and it is like a miracle.  I still have mild hot flashes occasionally, but no more scary heart palpitations.  I am starting to sleep again also.
    My psychiatrist is trying to reduce the amount of medication that I take, so, I stopped taking Risperidol, which is an antipsychotic drug.  That was a stress on my body.  I felt edgy, and hostile, the first few days, after I stopped taking it..  I was afraid that I would become psychotic after the drug left my body, but I am doing OK.
    This morning, however, I have turned a corner.  I feel good, both physically and mentally, which, to me, is a true blessing.  Just 2 days ago, I was losing hope, I felt so sick, so tired.  Now, I see real hope in my future.

     I am feeling worn-out, these days.  This peri-menopause thing, has destroyed my appetite and my ability to sleep.  I am basically struggling to get through the days.  I feel like I could crash and burn, at any time now.
     I did call my psychiatrist, yesterday, and she increased my Neurontin, so that I will take more, at bedtime. She said that this will help me sleep.  I really hope it does.  I miss the bright, alert, and happy me.
     I really wish that I could take next week off from work, but I can't.   So, I am planning to take the following week off, to rest, and get things done, if I feel like doing anything.  I just hope that I can hang on to my sanity long enough, to make it until next week.
     Even though my body and my mind are exhausted, I am trying to stay positive, and cheerful.  I don't feel depressed, or psychotic, but somewhat anxious, and totally wiped out.  I am also a bit worried, that my depression and psychosis, will surface because I am vulnerable now. I am confident in my doctor's abilities to help me, though.

     One week ago, on a cold, rainy, windy Friday, I went to my doctor's appointment, by public transportation, only to be told that my appointment was for the following Friday.  I told them that I was very upset because they gave me inaccurate information.  So, they agreed to see me 2 days ago, and I had a successful visit with my own physician.  Last week, my psychiatrist called and prescribed me a drug called Neurontin.  It has helped me to get some sleep, and has taken away the intensity, severity, and frequency of my hot flashes.  My physician feels that this is the right course for me also.
     But, my psychiatrist also weaned me off of Risperidol, an anti-psychotic medication, and since I stopped taking it, I don't feel right.  I feel weepy, and a bit hostile.  I feel like telling everybody else to "fuck off", and to leave me alone.  I feel a bit lost, a bit empty inside.  I'm wondering if I'm going through some kind of  drug withdrawal.  If so, I'll ride it out, I want to take as few medications as possible.  I don't want to go back to taking it.
     I can't get in touch with my doctor though.  All of Boston is shut down because they are trying to catch the remaining living marathon bomber.  I live 15 minutes from Boston, so I have done a lot of praying today.
     I can't help but wonder if the marathon bomber situation may be affecting me somewhere beneath it all.  I did wake up at 4 AM and began immediately watching the news.  I did, however pry myself away from the television for 6 hours, and did volunteer work at my church.  I am listening to music now, my favorite band, The Moody Blues, I don't want to watch the news.
     On Monday, if I do not feel better, I will try to call my psychiatrist again.  Please pray for the people of Boston.

     It is official, I am in peri-menopause, and it is kicking my ass.  My days are now-filled with terrible hot flashes, which are causing my heart to race, and are causing shortness of breath, consequently scaring the Hell out of me.  I am becoming overly emotional, crying easily, and snapping at my husband.  During the nights, I toss and turn, going from feeling extremely hot to very cold, over and over, unable to sleep.  I have also lost my appetite and I am not eating enough.
     I saw a doctor yesterday who did an EKG and a thyroid test, and gave me some pamphlets about menopause.  She recommended black cohosh, an herbal supplement, which I ended up vomiting  this morning.  She told me that she could not prescribe any medication to me because she was unfamiliar with my history, and I took a lot of psychiatric meds.  She told me to see my regular doctor next week.  I was so angry, because I felt that she was afraid to give me the care that I needed, because I am a psychiatric patient, who has to take a lot of medication (I also have diabetes and GERD).  And, I didn't feel that I could wait a whole week to see my regular doctor.
     So, I called my doctor's office again and asked to speak with my doctor.  They insisted that I speak to their nurse instead, which also made me angry because I should be allowed to speak to my own doctor, if I need to.  Finally after much insistence, on my behalf, they fave me an appointment for 2 days from now.  I will keep you posted and wish me much luck.