I'll be glad when the summer is over.  I hate the summer and I also hate the holiday season, because they bring up a lot of old, bad memories and flashbacks.  Sure, its beautiful out there but the heat reminds me of when I visited my father in Texas, as a little child and he would make me stay outside in the yard, with no shade, under the hot, beating sun for hours, no matter the temperature, and nothing to drink.  And if he brought me into the house he would abuse me in perverse ways.  Either way it was torture.  I am thankful that I have escaped my past, but the memories seem to follow me everywhere and I can't shut them off.  I've been telling myself that I am strong, but I am a scared, little child inside.  I find myself depressed, sad, and angry at times.  I cry easily, lose my temper easily.  I have been hearing music that isn't there, a symptom of my Schizoaffective Disorder, which scares the Hell out of me because I feel like my mind is spinning out of control.  My PTSD leaves me with flashbacks, and fear, hurtling me back decades in my mind, to horrible moments.  I want to beat all this, I just don't know how.  Please, God, take all the bad stuff away and restore me with inner peace.