Yesterday was a bit of a challenge for me, and I'm not quite sure why.  But I suspect it has to do with it being in a summer month, which brings up a lot of bad memories and brings past emotions to the surface.  Or maybe it was the full moon, I know that they affect me also.
      It started in the afternoon.  I noticed that both times my wonderful husband called me, that I had nothing to say, I just wanted to hang up and tell him to leave me alone.  And he had done nothing wrong.  I felt very withdrawn and hostile inside.
     As the day went on, I began to hear music play.  It sounded like some type of Rock and Roll played with some classical instruments.  I had never heard that type of music before.  But I knew that it was coming from inside my mind and not the outside world.  This has happened to me in the past, but it still scared me and amazed me.  It scared me because I knew that it was not real, my mind was fucking with me once again.  And it amazed me that my mind was conducting this interesting music, that I could never do in real life.  When my husband came home, I asked him if he heard the music too.  Not surprisingly, he said "no".  "What does it sound like?", he asked me.  I told him that I didn't know who or what it sounded like.  "Is it good music?", he asked me.  "Not too bad", I replied.  And I was really thankful that it wasn't Country music, or something awful.  And eventually it went away, which was a great relief.
       As my husband and I talked about our day, I then noticed that my right arm had scratches all over it.  Without realizing it, I had been scratching my arm throughout the afternoon.  This happens to me when I am anxious sometimes, I become very itchy and scratch myself without realizing it.
       "Why don't we go out to dinner?", my husband said.  I usually love to go dine out, but I really didn't want to.  I just wanted to hide.  But I knew that I needed to distract myself, and break away from my own little world in order to get through this.  So we went for dinner at my favorite tavern, and then went food shopping even, and I survived it, and felt a little better.  And today, has been a much better day.