I am wrestling with the idea of losing the "X" and using my real name, but I am not sure if I am ready for that.  To be honest, I'm afraid to use my own name because there's a lot of evil people out there, who do not accept people with mental illness, and I don't want to be hurt, physically or emotionally.  So I'm sending this out to people I trust and they can send it out to people they trust.  That's the hope anyways.  In time, when I am stronger inside I hope that a lot of people will read it and understand that there is no shame in being mentally ill.  In an ideal world, I would not feel like I had to hide, but even a lot of my Facebook friends do not know what I struggle with.   Also, I think that deep, down, inside I am not fully comfortable with myself yet.  I know that for awhile I harbored a lot of hostility towards my own brain, because it "plays tricks on me".  But I can't trade it in and get a new brain, I can only try to repair the one I have.  And learn to accept it.