Have you ever had a nightmare, that just haunted you, all day long?  A dream so disturbing to you, that you can't believe that you dreamed it?  Yes, I had one of those nightmares, early this morning.
     I haven't mentioned it a lot, but I have two half-siblings.  I hate that term "half-siblings.  They were my brother and sister, in my eyes.  They were, my father and his second wife's children.  I haven't seen them in 27 years.  I haven't seen them, since I exposed my father for his horrible, disgusting abuse toward me.  And, I'm not sure if I will ever get over it.  That's how great the pain is.
     This morning I dreamed that I was about 16 years old and I was visiting my father, and his family, down south.  In my dream, my father decided to have my little brother, who was 12 years old, euthanized, or rather, executed, because, they thought that he had mental illness.  My step-mother did not fight to save my little brother, and my little sister was paralyzed with fear.  My little brother was cavalier about it, saying "Yeah, sis, they're executing me next week, no big deal".  It was as if, this execution didn't surprise him.  I ran out of the house in hysteria.
     When I went back to the house, my little brother was gone.  I asked my stepmother, if my little brother was dead.  She said "Yes, we euthanized him while you were gone.  We couldn't let him grow up, being mentally ill'
      I left their house, and wandered the streets.  People were asking me, if it was true, if their neighbor and friend, had really killed their little boy.  A lady asked me if my little brother suffered.  I answered "No, they killed him by lethal injection.  I know, because they also euthanized me, a few years ago".
      WOW!!  I can't even put together all of my thoughts, on this nightmare.  I haven't dreamed about my father and his family, in a long time.  The dream portrays how evil, my father really is, with his desire to hurt his children, and kill.  And like in reality, my stepmother stood by letting it all happen, letting her children get hurt.
     I think that my dream, also profoundly, touched on my fears of being a mentally ill person in this sometimes, cold, cruel, ignorant world.  After all, not too long ago, and maybe, still today, in some parts of the world, mentally ill people, have been murdered, simply because they were mentally ill.
     One of the reasons, that I stay anonamous, and do not publish my last name, or my photograph, is because, I am so deathly afraid of my father.  I am still afraid that he will drive to New England someday, and attempt to kill me because, I have written about him, in my blog.  And, no, that's not paranoia talking.  So, please, please, please, if you know my real identity, try to keep it secret.