Today, I am feeling quite a bit better than I had felt for the previous 3 days.  I still do not feel 100% like myself, but I could cope today, with life.
     Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, I fell apart, I couldn't think clearly, I had nightmares each night, I cried most of those days.  I stayed in my house, in my nightgown, huddling with my pillow.  It hit me like a ton of bricks, one day I was happy, the next day, I was shell-shocked and devastated.  And I knew that it was all because of the time of year.
     I am reminded of the year, when, I was 9 years old. It was Christmas, and an old ex-boyfriend, of my mother, and his brother, got drunk and fought until the brother broke a ketchup bottle over my mother's ex's head.  It was bloody and all the children were screaming.  I can't wipe out this memory, no matter how I try.
      And I am reminded that my awful father never seemed to want to spend the holidays with me, but he would spent them with his other kids.  I try not to think about him too, but the memories invade me.
      I saw my therapist yesterday afternoon, and we talked quite a bit, and I think that it really helped me a lot.  I think that I now have strength, to make it through this Christmas.